


Green Thumb

by E350tb



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: (plus Connie), Complete, Gen, Implied Relationships, Shorty Squad, post-Kevin Party
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-14
Updated: 2017-11-28
Packaged: 2019-02-02 09:19:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12723825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/E350tb/pseuds/E350tb
Summary: When Greg is asked to help clean up his cousin's farm in the mountains, Amethyst and Steven jump at the opportunity to bring Peridot along to cheer her up. But what was supposed to be a peaceful weekend of gardening turns sour when a strange gem monster emerges from the soil. Meanwhile, Pearl goes on a date with the Mystery Girl, only for things to go terribly wrong.Includes Mystery Pearl, implied Amedot and Connverse, and me casually adding Connie to the Shorty Squad. May contain plants.





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> I had this idea after Back to the Kindergarten (which cured my ills and watered my crops, if I'm being honest). Nothing too epic, just a lighthearted story about gardening.
> 
>  
> 
> _*checks my notes*_
> 
>  
> 
> And monsters. Also there's monsters.
> 
> Enjoy!

**One**

" _This will not do!_ "

Appalachia Colonel Thaddeus Beauregard stormed through the dilapidated grounds of the old farm, his moustachioed face red with fury. He trod brown weeds into the soil as he marched up and down, shouting at his long-suffering accountant who strolled briskly to keep up with him.

"This _eyesore_ ," bellowed Beauregard, "Threatens our fine village's chances at winning the Appalachian Best Kept Community Competition!"

"We've won ten years running, Colonel," reminded the accountant.

"The competition _stiffens_ ," snapped Beauregard, "This property might have been acceptable in previous years, but I have seen what they are doing in other towns. I mean, Walters Mill has painted their windmill, sir! We can't compete while this accursed plot remains ruined!"

He crossed his arms.

"Who owns this land, anyway?"

"Frederick Adamson-DeMayo, sir," replied the accountant, "He's not present - the court ordered him to the state capital and he...uh...never came back."

"Well, tell him to come back!" exclaimed Beauregard.

"I can't, Colonel, he's...uh...in jail."

"Then find someone who can take over!" thundered Beauregard, "He must have a family! A relative who can take over the property. _Find somebody, sir!_ "

"Yes sir, yes sir!" said the accountant, "I...I'll find someone."

"Good," snapped Beauregard, "And make it quick, boy. My town will not lose to a _fancy windmill_."

He narrowed his eyes.

" _Get me a farmer_."

* * *

 

Peridot smiled as she surveyed the empty plot of land. It was perfect - close to a warp pad, nice and flat and in a beautiful patch of Midwestern countryside.

"This is ideal," she nodded, "Looks like we finally found somewhere to do some gardening!"

"See?" nodded Steven, putting a hand on Peridot's shoulder, "I told you we'd do it!"

"I'm just wondering why nobody else claimed this spot," mused Amethyst.

Suddenly, a voice from a loudspeaker broke the silence.

" _Attention! Attention down range! Mortar testing will commence in five minutes! Vacate the range!_ "

" _Oh_ ," said Amethyst.

"What?" exclaimed Steven, "But the map didn't..."

He pulled a map from his back pocket. His face fell as the trio studied it.

" _Army Testing Ground?_ " demanded Peridot, "How did you miss _that?_ "

"I thought that was the other way from the warp pad," replied Steven, "It doesn't make..."

"You read the map upside down, didn't you Steven?" said Amethyst.

Steven facepalmed.

"Well, there we go!" snapped Peridot, "Another inadequate farming spot!"

She turned around, storming back towards the warp pad. Amethyst and Steven sighed as they followed.

"Everything we've tried has _failed!_ " complained Peridot, "Nothing grew on the beach, Steven nearly drowned at the underwater one, and let's not forget that _southern continent_..."

"It was empty last time I went there," shrugged Amethyst, "How was I supposed to know they'd build their capital city in the middle of nowhere?"

"It's _hopeless_ ," sighed Peridot, "We're getting _nowhere_. I just wanna give up..."

"We can't give up!" exclaimed Steven, stepping onto the warp pad.

"Yeah, come on, Peri," said Amethyst as they began to warp home, "Just give it one more shot. We'll find something!"

"What, am I supposed to believe that an opportunity's just going to present itself the moment we get back to the temple?" demanded Peridot.

They landed in the temple and were immediately confronted with Greg, waving a letter in his hand.

"Guess who just got a farm?!" he exclaimed.

Steven and Amethyst glanced at Peridot.

"...well, Earth _is_ full of surprises," she admitted.

* * *

"Dear Mr. Universe."

Pearl paced the kitchen, reading Greg's letter out loud.

"As your cousin, Mr. Frederick Adams-DeMayo..."

"Good old Cousin Freddy," nodded Greg, beaming.

"...is currently incarcerated for ten years in a federal prison..."

Greg swallowed.

"...the upkeep of his property in our fair village of Village Creek must now fall to you. You may do with it what you please, but we must insist that you journey here at your earliest convenience and clean up the property. We are prepared to offer you generous compensation for your time. Yours truly, Colonel Thaddeus Beauregard, Mayor of Village Creek."

"Well," shrugged Greg, "I don't need the money, but it sounds like it could be a fun weekend away."

"But we've just been on a weekend away," Pearl pointed out.

"Yeah, but now that Steven's happy again, we could try again," replied Greg, "What do you say, Stu-ball?"

Steven scratched his chin.

"I _did_ invite Connie over for the weekend," he said.

"Well, I'm sure her parents won't mind if we bring her along," shrugged Greg, "They know I'm a responsible guardian..."

He paused for a moment.

"... _I think_ ," he said.

"Well, you'd have to go without me," said Pearl, "I promised I'd meet up with S... _someone_ on Saturday."

She blushed as Amethyst and Garnet grinned at her.

"Okay," nodded Greg, "Amethyst, Garnet, are you guys in?"

"What about me?"

Greg looked over at Peridot, who had nervously raised a hand.

"I..." she cleared her throat, "Can I come?"

"Sure," Greg shrugged, "I mean, I thought you'd be more comfortable here, but..."

"Nah, man," said Amethyst, putting her arm over Peridot's shoulder, "Who wants to be cooped up in here with Pearl all weekend?"

Pearl frowned and crossed her arms.

"How 'bout you, Garnet?" asked Greg, "You wanna spend a weekend fixing up an old farm?"

"Not really, no."

"Fair enough," said Greg, "I'll call this Beauregard guy and let him know we're coming."

"This is gonna be great!" exclaimed Steven, "It's just gonna be the Shorty Squad, my dad and a nice peaceful weekend away..."

"And Connie," added Amethyst.

"Nah, she's short too," said Steven, "She can be in the squad."

"I didn't agree to that," grunted Peridot.

"Yeah, well, it's happening anyway."

* * *

In a grassy cavern deep beneath the village of Village Creek, a strange lump of green fungus lay dormant. It had slept here for centuries, living a cool, damp cocoon of rock and soil. Deep within the slumbering mass, hidden from outside view, was a tiny, worn gem.

From the fungus ran a complex series of roots that snaked their way up to the surface - to the trees, to the bushes and to the produce of the farms.

It was of no consequence to a man like Thaddeus Beauregard, who wouldn't be seen dead eating the local produce and rarely socialised with his own constituents, but it was certainly having an effect on the rest of the population. After all, they'd been eating the fruits of this gem fungus for generations...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eh, I'm sure that fungus is normal.


	2. Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Into the country we go!

**Two**

The old steam train wound its way through the hills as it crawled up the final incline towards Village Creek. Peridot looked out the window as the wooded countryside slowly drifted by - she sighed.

From the other side of the compartment, Steven, Connie, Amethyst and Greg looked on.

"She's still not over Lapis leaving?" asked Connie.

"Well, she _did_ take the barn with her," replied Greg, "I still don't know how I'm supposed to explain that to Andy..."

"Well, at least the barn's intact," shrugged Steven, "It's just...in _space_ now."

"Attention passengers! The train is now arriving in Village Creek! All passengers for Village Creek, please alight when the train has halted!"

The train was rumbling to a halt next to a small wooden station platform. There was still no sign of a town - the station seemed to be in the middle of the forest.

"Well, this is us," said Greg.

The group gathered their bags and walked down the carriage to the door. They alighted with some difficulty - the platform was quite low - and began to look around for any sign of an exit.

The station was completely isolated - the only signs of life were a small wooden signal box and a water tower, from which the engine's tender was being refilled. Other than that, there was nothing but nature as far as the eye could see.

"Wow," said Amethyst, "We're _literally_ in the middle of nowhere."

"How do we find this farm?" asked Peridot, looking around, "Have we just been marooned?"

"Let me ask the engineer," replied Greg, "Maybe I can get directions."

He walked up to the engine. The driver was standing on the tender, watching the water tank fill up. He nodded as Greg approached.

"Can I help you?" he asked.

"How do we get to Village Creek?" asked Greg.

The driver raised an eyebrow.

"Shoot, I've never seen anybody wanna go to that place," he said, "And I've been working this line ten years."

He pointed to the northeast.

"It's about two mile up the road that way," he said, "Just up the hill. I wouldn't go there, m'self."

"Why not?" asked Steven.

"All my years as an engineer," replied the driver, "I've only seen one person enter or leave Village Creek..."

He narrowed his eyes.

"...speak of the devil," he said, pointing behind the group.

"Mr. Universe!"

Greg turned. Colonel Thaddeus Beauregard was walking up the wooden platform, smiling amicably.

The colonel was an older man, his hair greying. He wore thick mutton chops over a slightly red face, and his eyes were beady and wrinkled. He wore a tan cotton suit and a brown necktie. His look was finished with a ten-gallon hat. Behind him was his accountant, who was short, a little bit stocky and dressed in a simple shirt and tie. The Colonel grasped Greg's hand in a firm handshake - a little too firm, in fact, as Greg winced from the sudden sharp pain.

" _Ow!_ Uh, you must be Colonel Beauregard?" he asked.

"I do declare I am!" exclaimed Beauregard, "Colonel Thaddeus Hamilton Granville Thurston Beauregard the Third, to be precise."

Greg stared.

"...'Colonel' will suffice," said Beauregard.

"Uh, thanks," nodded Greg, "So, where's this farm?"

"Other side of the village, my man," replied Beauregard, "We can take my own automobile, you'll find it will fit your... _family?_ "

"Yep!" replied Steven cheerfully, "One big, sorta weird family!"

"Quite," nodded Beauregard, "Well, follow me, we'd best be going."

He made to leave, his accountant and the group following him. Peridot took up the rear, still feeling melancholic - as she left the station, she heard the driver call after them.

"You be careful, fellas - there's something very weird about that town..."

* * *

"I don't know if I'm ready for this, Garnet."

Pearl was pacing back and forth, clutching her hair. Garnet watched from the couch as she fretted to herself.

"I mean, I haven't tried anything like this since before Greg!" she said, "And that was always with Rose, and I still don't really know if she felt the same way - what if this is that again? What if I'm just waiting until she gets her own Greg? I couldn't do that again, Garnet! I just..."

"Pearl," said Garnet, "You need to calm down. What will happen will happen."

"Well that's easy for you to say!" exclaimed Pearl. "You're _literally_ the perfect relationship!"

"I know," nodded Garnet stoically, "It's awesome."

"I just...I _need_ to know that everything's going to be okay," said Pearl.

"Well, where are you going?" asked Garnet.

"It's a concert," replied Pearl, "Down on the boardwalk. I'm not sure what Krol it is this time..."

"Well, you've been to a concert before," said Garnet, "Just be yourself. Don't try to overthink everything and just have fun. And if anything goes wrong, I'll be right here."

"So you'll be my...what did Amethyst call it... _wingman?_ " asked Pearl.

"Let's go with that," nodded Garnet.

Pearl swallowed.

"Alright," she said, "I'll just go down tomorrow and be myself. It'll work, it'll work..."

She scratched the back of her neck.

"...I'm still nervous," she admitted.

"Then let's talk," said Garnet, patting the couch next to her.

"Okay, what about?"

Garnet shrugged.

"Anything."

* * *

The Colonel owned a large, pink stretch limo that dated from the nineteen fifties - he claimed it had belonged to Elvis. He sat in the back, having ordered his accountant to drive - he insisted on having his own chair, leaving Greg to sit in the front passenger seat and Steven, Connie, Amethyst and Peridot to squeeze into the back.

"I'm glad you've come, Mr. Universe," he said, "Your cousin, I'm afraid, left the property quite a mess, and we need it cleaned up. Village Creek has won the Appalachian Best Kept Community Competition ten years running, and I do not intend to lose it now. I don't care for the particulars of what you do, so long as it looks neat when you're done."

Steven looked out the window as they passed through Village Creek.

"Hey guys, the village!" he said.

The village looked fairly normal - a typical rural village. There was a small, wooden village centre and a statue of the founder in the square in front of it - this was surrounded haphazardly by small houses and cottages. There were few people on the streets, most of whom were either tending their lawns, talking among each other or walking from place to place.

As the limo slowly drove by, each person stopped and stared. Steven winced as the villagers glared at the passing vehicle - their expressions seemed devoid of expression, but their stares were piercing, and every one of them seemed to have vibrant green eyes.

"They love me," chuckled Beauregard, "Look at the way they watch me pass! Pure adoration!"

"If they start pointing at us and screeching, I'm out," grunted Amethyst.

"So this is normal?" asked Connie.

"Yep," shrugged Beauregard, "They do this every time I pass. I wouldn't think too hard about it, little missy."

"Yeah, the limo's so gaudy it probably makes their eyes bleed," muttered the accountant.

"What was that?" snapped Beauregard.

"I-I said the limo's so _pretty_ it probably makes them...uh... _all heed_ ," said the accountant.

"That's what I thought," grunted Beauregard, crossing his arms.

The limo passed out of the town and over a rickety bridge over the creek. The accountant made a left turn and the vehicle drove up a bumpy dirt trail. Before long, they passed a rusty gate and pulled up to the farm.

"Yeah," nodded Greg, "It's _definitely_ a fixer upper."

The farm was a mess. The fields were covered in weeds and dead vines, and the soil was uneven and untilled. The house was also in a poor state - the paint had peeled, the windows were broken and there was a visible hole in the roof. It looked like a disaster zone, and it was easy to see why it had upset the Colonel as much as it had.

"What do you say, Mr. Universe?" asked Beauregard as they climbed out of the limo, "Can you clean this up?"

"Well, it's...gonna be harder than I thought," admitted Greg, "But what the hey? It'll be a team effort, huh Stu-ball?"

Steven scratched his chin.

"We're gonna need a leader," he said, "And who better to lead us than _Farmer Peridot?_ "

He hugged Peridot.

"Yeah, Farmer Peridot!" exclaimed Amethyst, joining the hug.

"Farmer Peridot!" echoed Connie, joining in too.

Peridot blushed.

"Sounds good to me," nodded Greg, "What do you say, Peridot?"

"... _fine_ ," said Peridot, "But we're gonna have to get started. We've got a _lot_ of work to do..."

"I don't care who farms what," said Beauregard, "Just clean this place by Sunday."

He climbed back into the limo.

"I will be watching, _Farmer Peridot_ ," he declared.

He rolled up the window and the limo drove away.

"...okay, it's kinda _weird_ when he says it," said Amethyst.

* * *

The fungus didn't really _think_ , not in the same way a human or a non-corrupted gem would. It acted on instincts and reacted to stimuli. It had still retained orders from days long past, however; orders to colonise, orders to multiply and orders to oppose the rebellious Crystal Gems.

Through its many eyes on the surface, through which it didn't _see_ but gathered environmental information from nonetheless, the fungus had detected the presence of the dreaded Rose Quartz as she alighted one of those strange human transportation devices. Instinct immediately set in - the programming of old orders.

It began to expand, to colonise. The Rose Quartz had to be eliminated...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sure this is fine.


	3. Three

**Three**

It had taken most of the afternoon, but the weeds had been cleared. The house, on the other hand, still needed fixing - it was infested with bugs and a few snakes, and there was no working gas, water or electricity. As a result, Greg had put up a tent in the front yard, where they would sleep overnight.

The sun had now set, and the group were now sitting around a campfire.

"So where do we start tomorrow?" asked Connie.

Peridot scratched her chin and pulled out a list.

"Well, we need to plough the soil," she replied, "Once that's done, we'll need to plant our seeds - I've made a list of crops and plants that are, are you say, _in season_. It's going to take up most of the day, so we'll need to get up early."

"Where are we getting our seeds from?" asked Steven.

All eyes fell on Greg.

"Well, I guess I'll just have to ask Beauregard's accountant to give us a lift to the nearest produce store," he shrugged.

"Then it's settled," nodded Peridot.

"Now, who's up for a little bit of music before bed?" asked Steven, smiling broadly as he brought out his ukulele.

As he began to play, Amethyst glanced away for a moment, gazing at the dark road into the farm. She nodded to herself, before turning back and joining in Steven's song.

* * *

The first light of the sun was peeking over the horizon, and the sweet song of early rising birds could be heard in the distance. All was peaceful and serene, a picture of rural tranquillity.

" _EVERYBODY GET UP! IT'S TIME TO FARM!_ "

Peridot marched around the outside of the tent, banging some pots together and shouting at the top of her voice.

Wearily, Steven crawled out of his sleeping bag and out of the tent, followed by an equally tired Connie and Greg.

"Peridot, it's _five thirty_ ," yawned Connie.

"Well, I _graciously_ gave you another half hour," snapped Peridot, "But it's time to get started! This farm won't start itself!"

She looked around.

"Where's Amethyst?" she demanded.

There suddenly came a rumbling from the road into the farm. Peridot looked over as Amethyst appeared at the gate, sitting on top of an old tractor that was rolling onto the field. On the trailer behind it were tools, bags of seeds, potted plants and sacks of fertiliser.

"'Sup," she said, stopping the tractor next to Peridot, "I took that list you made and got what you wanted."

"Wow, thanks!" said Peridot, "Nice initiative there, Ams."

"You went out and bought all that?" asked Greg incredulously, "Before 6am?"

" _Bought?_ "

"Oh boy," sighed Greg, rubbing his temples.

"Well, let's get to work," said Peridot, rubbing her hands together, "We've still got a significant amount of work to do..."

 

The sun was now high in the sky, and the soil had been ploughed and fertilised. Peridot was now surveying the land as the others got the various plants and seeds ready.

"Alright," she declared, "I think we should put the sunflowers on both sides of the entrance - that area gets the most of the sun. We'll plant the roses on the eastern side of the house - I think it would be appropriate if Steven did that. Amethyst, you can do the hydrangeas on the west side. I'll get started on the crops at the back..."

She looked over to the house, where Greg was pulling out a spider web.

"I believe Greg will be fine fixing the house on his own."

Greg tugged the web, which immediately fell on him. He screamed and fell to the ground, rolling around frantically to get the spiders off.

"Yes," nodded Peridot, "He'll be fine."

* * *

"Alright," said Pearl, "If I'm going to go to this concert, I need to research the bands that are going to be there."

Garnet nodded, picking up the flyer advertising the concert.

"Okay, Garnet," said Pearl, opening up Steven's laptop, "Hit me."

"Abrupt Confession," Garnet read, "Traumatic Advice. Dennis Eats The Potato."

"... _odd names_ ," mused Pearl, "But I suppose they must have appeal."

She wrote the names down to be researched as Garnet continued to read.

"Bring Me The Lizards. Between the Sausages and Me. Three Seconds to Hull..."

* * *

Steven planted the rose into the soil, patting down the dirt with his hoe.

"Do you think these were named after my mom?" asked Steven.

"It would make sense," mused Connie, planting her own rose, "Either humans named roses after Rose Quartz, or they just happened to give a flower the same name as your mom. And that's just a little bit _too_ coincidental..."

"Like the fact that we speak the same language as the gems despite the fact that they come from another planet?" asked Steven.

"...I never really thought about that," said Connie, "But yeah, we probably get that from the gems too."

"I really need to ask Pearl about that some time," shrugged Steven.

* * *

"...although _Dwayne and the Johnsons_ is often considered a little derivative, their contributions to music should not be overlooked," read Pearl, "They're like the Ringo Starr of the indie rock world."

She closed the article.

"I wonder what a Ringo Starr is," she mused.

"He's a drummer," replied Garnet.

"Oh, okay," nodded Pearl uninterestedly, "What's the next band?"

"The Brooding Teenagers."

Pearl typed it into the search engine, found an article and began to read.

"Inspired by the mid-2000s punk rock sensation, _Everything Sucks_..."

* * *

Amethyst looked over the patch of dirt that she'd been put in charge of. She crossed her arms.

"This is gonna take a while," she grunted, " _Unless..._ "

She smirked and drew her whip.

She leapt into the air, swinging her whip into the soil. Each crack tore a hole into the dirt, and in rapid succession she dug out a line of them. She landed on the other side and immediately leapt up again, creating another row - then another, and another.

She landed back where she started, shapeshifting a few more pairs of hands and grabbing as many of the hydrangeas as she could. She grinned and ran forward, leaping into a spin dash - as she rocketed past each hole, she quickly slammed one of the plants into them. Within a few short minutes, she was back where she started, surveying the freshly planted hydrangeas.

She dusted her hands off and grabbed a water gun from the ground next to her.

" _Welp_ ," she said, "That was easy."

She walked casually from plant to plant, squirting each one while whistling to herself.

* * *

"It's The Unpleasable Fanbase next, right?" asked Pearl.

"Nope," replied Garnet, showing Pearl a newspaper, "They broke up last week."

"Why?"

"They were unpleasable," shrugged Garnet.

"Okay, then we're looking up..." Pearl glanced at her list, " _Ow The Edge?_ Who comes up with these names?!

* * *

Greg nailed the last plank into the roof and stood up, taking in his handiwork. The roof was fixed, the house was now free of both snakes and spiders, and everything was looking a lot less ramshackle. Everything seemed to be coming together nicely.

"Hey, Greg! You got a sec?"

Amethyst climbed onto the roof.

"Sure," nodded Greg, "What's up?"

Amethyst looked over towards Peridot, who was busy planting maize seeds behind the house. She looked happier than she had all week.

"Thanks for letting Peridot come out, man," she said, "She needed this."

"No problem," replied Greg, "I'm glad she came. I don't know anything about gardening. All I could have done was clean the place up a bit."

"We need to find a warp pad out here," she mused, "It beats the heck out of her sitting in the bathroom all day feeling bad, y'know?"

She shrugged.

"I'm gonna head down and give her a hand," she said.

"Sounds good," nodded Greg, "I'm gonna try not to burn down the house setting the gas back up."

"I believe in you, G-man," nodded Amethyst, already jumping off the roof.

Greg swallowed and nodded.

"Well, here we go," he said to himself.

He walked back to his ladder, stepping over the small patches of moss on the wooden roof.

* * *

Pearl scratched her chin as the song ended, closing the laptop.

"I liked McKenzie and the Meme Team," she admitted, "Although I don't really _get_ them. And I still have _no idea_ what Soos and the Doods was..."

She looked up at the clock.

"Five thirty!" she exclaimed, "Oh my stars, I've only got an _hour_ to get ready!"

She began to run frantically to the temple door.

"You _are_ ready," declared Garnet.

Pearl froze, turning around.

"But...all we did today was research bands," she said.

"Yes," nodded Garnet, "But we did that so you could better understand what she likes. You made an _effort_ , Pearl - that's a good start."

"But...but I need a plan!" exclaimed Pearl, "I can't just..."

"Pearl," asked Garnet, "When you fought Sugilite, did you have a plan?"

"...no, but I never had time to make one and..."

"When we went to get the ocean back from Lapis, did you have a plan?"

"...we didn't know what we were going to come up against, that's not really..."

"When we went to get Greg back from Blue Diamond, did you have a plan?"

"...no," said Pearl.

"No," nodded Garnet, "Because you didn't _need_ one. You don't need one now. Whatever happens, you're going to get through it."

"But what if it doesn't work out?" asked Pearl.

"You'll never know until you try," replied Garnet.

Pearl took a deep breath and nodded.

"Okay," she said, "You're right. I _am_ ready."

* * *

"Wow, this is growing _really_ quickly."

Steven, Connie, Amethyst and Peridot were looking at the line of corn that Peridot had planted. They were already growing well - perhaps _too_ well, as the plants had already grown half a metre out of the soil. It didn't make sense, but Peridot was cheerful nonetheless.

"This must be some high quality soil," she declared, "And it's being farmed by _superior_ farmers, of course."

"Yeah, but... _that much?_ In an _afternoon?_ " replied Connie, "That's a little bit weird, Peridot."

There was the sound of a car pulling up from the front, and a car horn beeped.

"Looks like Colonel Longname's back," said Amethyst.

The squad ran to the front of the house, meeting Greg there. Beauregard and his accountant were stepping out - the Colonel didn't look pleased.

"If he asks about the produce, you guys are my alibi," whispered Amethyst.

"Mr. Universe," said Beauregard, "I'd rather not be bothering you with this, but we're conducting an investigation."

"Investigation?" asked Connie, "Are you the sheriff, too?"

"...yes," nodded Beauregard, "Yes I am."

He crossed his arms.

"I digress," he said, "Mr. Universe, this farm is looking mightily pristine."

"That's good, isn't it?" asked Greg.

"Normally," replied Beauregard, "But it's a mite suspicious when the rest of the town's been overrun by a darn _fungus._ "

"Fungus?" asked Steven, "What fungus?"

"What fungus? _What fungus?_ Have you not left this property at all today? How can you not..."

"Uh, sir?"

The accountant pointed behind them, his face paling.

They turned around. A crawling green mass was emerging from the soil, slowly covering the wall of the house. With impossible speed, it slithered over every surface, turning the building into a bright green mass. As it did so, the roses and hydrangeas began to shoot up, growing to a metre tall - then two metres, then three...

" _That fungus_ ," said the accountant.

There was a long silence.

"Pretty good soil, huh Peri?" said Amethyst.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The most fun part of writing this was coming up with band names.


	4. Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mystery Girl's finally turning up! (I'm calling her Sheena because that's what the Crewniverse used when they were coming up with her, apparently.)

**Four**

Beauregard crossed his arms as he watched the fungus crawling over the house.

"This is a disaster," he snapped, "We've got no chance of winning the Appalachian Best Kept Community Competition if the entire town is covered in this...this... _red weed!_ "

"It's green, sir, and it's more of a fungus," said the accountant.

"It's a _literary reference,_ you dullard," spat Beauregard.

"I've seen something like this before," mused Steven, "It was this moss that me and Lars thought was trying to eat everything but then it turned out it was just trying to bloom and..."

"Moss is a plant, Steven," interrupted Peridot, "This is a fungus."

"Moss, fungus or mold, it's an _eyesore_ ," said Beauregard, "And I want it gone."

He turned to his accountant.

"See if it scrapes off, will you?" he ordered.

"But I only have a pocket knife," said the accountant.

"Do I look like I care?" demanded Beauregard, "Scrape it off!"

The accountant sighed, walking towards the house.

"I'm not sure you wanna touch that," warned Connie.

"Nonsense!" scoffed Beauregard, "It's just green stuff, little lady. Can't do a thing to you!"

As the accountant approached the fungus, it suddenly leapt from the wooden walls of the house and onto his face. He fell to the ground, screaming in terror and trying to pull it off - as he flailed about, more fungus covered his arms and legs, until he was covered from head to toe in the strange, writhing mold.

Slowly he climbed to his feet. As he did so, his form shifted - weeds seemed to grow out of his body and a third arm emerged from his left armpit. He turned around - his face was twisted into a grimace and his teeth were long and sharp. He groaned loudly as a stem grew from his forehead and an eyeball emerged from its bud.

"...I stand corrected," said Beauregard.

"What is that?!" exclaimed Greg.

"Plant zombie," shrugged Amethyst, "I mean, what else would it be?"

The plant zombie roared and began to stumble towards them. Behind him, vines began to grow from the fungus, slowly creeping out in all directions. Steven and Amethyst drew their weapons from their gems.

"I've just gotta grab my sword," said Connie, running over to the tent.

"We'll hold him off," replied Amethyst.

She swung her whip forward, causing the zombie to stumble back. He quickly recovered, roaring again and charging towards the group.

Steven ran forward, raising his shield. The zombie swung his fist towards him but he blocked it - Amethyst followed this up by spin dashing into him, knocking him right back into the house.

The zombie collided with the fungus and sunk deep into it. For a few seconds, it looked like it had been defeated.

Then the fungus rippled, and he re-emerged - alongside two identical clones.

"Okay, that's just not cool," said Amethyst.

"If it can just create more fungus monsters, we're going to be overwhelmed," said Peridot, "We need to leave. _Now._ "

"And how do you expect us to do that?" demanded Beauregard.

"...we use your _car_ ," replied Amethyst, " _Duh._ "

"Do you expect me to _drive my own car?!_ " exclaimed Beauregard, "I'm not so common that..."

With a thunderous roar, a giant plant shot out from the dirt next to him - it was a Venus Fly Trap, and it towered twenty feet over him.

" _OKAYI'LLDRIVEI'LLDRIVE!_ " exclaimed Beauregard, bolting for him car.

The Venus Fly Trap leaned down over Greg and hissed - a pungent yellow liquid squirted out of its mouth and covered him from head to toe. He screamed and fell on his back - the Fly Trap began to lower itself towards him, its mouth opening wide.

"Back off, I'm not a fly!" he cried, crawling back.

Steven and Amethyst were fighting back one of the zombies. Steven turned as the Fly Trap pounced on Greg.

"Dad!"

_Chop!_

The Venus Fly Trap fell to the ground as Connie sliced through its stem.

"Mr. Universe!" she exclaimed, running over to him.

"Connie!" Steven ran over and hugged his friend, "You saved Dad!"

"Steven...Connie..."

They looked down and gasped. The liquid that had covered Greg was starting to change into fungus, slowly covering Greg's whole body.

"... _run_ ," croaked Greg, as the fungus covered his face.

" _Dad!_ " exclaimed Steven.

A horn blared behind them. Beauregard was leaning out of the driver's window of his limo.

"Get in or I leave you!" he thundered.

Peridot ran by, grabbing Steven and Connie by the collars and pulling them towards the car.

"Dad! No!" shouted Steven.

Peridot opened the back door and threw the two kids in.

" _Amethyst!_ " she bellowed, " _We're leaving!_ "

Amethyst was surrounded by the three zombies. She nodded as she heard Peridot call.

"Alright, time to blow this popsicle stand," she nodded.

She jumped into the air and spun into a ball, darting towards the limo. With a loud crash she landed in the passenger compartment.

"You didn't just break something, did you?" demanded Beauregard.

" _Just drive, you clod!_ " bellowed Peridot, slamming the door shut behind Amethyst.

Beauregard put his foot down and the limo screeched through the gate and onto the road.

For a few moments, there was total silence in the back of the car.

"...am I the only one who thinks that was _totally_ messed up?" Amethyst exclaimed at last.

"I think I know what that was," said Peridot.

"What is it?" asked Connie.

"Can we save Dad?" asked Steven.

Peridot looked out the window.

"There were terraforming gems at the time of the rebellion," she said, "I can't remember what they were called, but they were designed to control indigenous plant populations. They were pulled out of service after the incident on Quarantine Planet Eight."

"And what was that?" asked Amethyst.

" _You don't want to know,_ " replied Peridot, "But it's probable that this is a corrupted variant of that gem type."

"So that fungus is coming from a gem," nodded Connie, "So we can bubble it!"

"And get Dad back!" exclaimed Steven.

"And that accountant guy maybe," shrugged Amethyst, "Where do we find the gem, P-Dot?"

"She'd be somewhere cool and damp..." mused Peridot.

"I think I might know of a place."

All eyes fell on Beauregard.

"There's a cave system about ten minutes by train from here," he said, "If we hurry, you might be able to get the last train in that direction."

"And then we can save the town!" nodded Steven.

" _You_ can," snorted Beauregard, "I'm not going anywhere _near_ this stuff."

"Okay," said Amethyst, "So _apart from him_ , we're gonna go find a fungus gem."

* * *

There was a knock on the door, and Pearl nearly jumped out of her skin.

"She's here!" she exclaimed.

Garnet walked over, putting a hand on her shoulder.

"Take it easy, Pearl," she reassured, "Remember what we talked about."

Pearl swallowed, took a deep breath and walked up to the door. She opened it.

"Do you have a moment to talk about chlorine?" said Ronaldo, cheerfully holding up a pamphlet.

There was a long silence.

"Not the time, Fry Boy," sighed Pearl, starting to close the door.

"But... _our precious bodily fluids!_ " exclaimed Ronaldo, "It's all a conspiracy! _The world needs to know!_ "

"Yes, and I'm sure I can find out another time," grunted Pearl.

Ronaldo sighed.

"Okay," he sighed, "I guess I'll let this other person talk to you know. Sorry for taking your time."

He walked dejectedly away, revealing the other figure standing behind him.

"Shu-Sheena!" exclaimed Pearl.

"Hey Pearl," said Sheena, "You ready to go?"

"N-uh-yes!" exclaimed Pearl, "I'm totally ready to go and see Ow The Hedge...uh, _Edge,_ Edge!"

Sheena laughed, and Pearl found herself blushing. Nervously, she stepped out onto the deck and somewhat shakily offered her hand.

"Trust me, you're gonna have a blast," said Sheena, "Just follow my lead and you'll be fine..."

Garnet watched as the pair walked down the steps and away down the beach. She smiled to herself.

"She'll be fine," she said, "She doesn't need my help."

She grinned.

"But nobody said we couldn't have our _own_ date," she added.

She glowed brightly and split into two smaller forms - Ruby and Sapphire. They giggled as they held each other's hand and walked out the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I went a bit Last of Us there, didn't I?


	5. Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like trains.

**Five**

The train stood at the station platform, the engine simmering quietly in the early night breeze. The driver and fireman were standing at the other end of the train, taking a quick break before they carried on back down the mountain. All was peaceful - it seemed like it was going to be an easy night.

At that point, Thaddeus Beauregard's limo skidded through the parking lot and up onto the platform itself, grinding to a halt just in front of them.

Beauregard climbed out of the car, quickly followed by Steven, Connie and the two gems.

"How's my parking, my good man?" asked Beauregard, "I haven't driven in years but I wager it's like flying a bicycle."

"Riding a bicycle," corrected Connie.

"Really?" mused Beauregard, "It could fly in that film I watched..."

"Is there a reason you're here, Colonel?" the driver asked wearily.

"We need to get to the caves!" exclaimed Steven, "There's no time to explain!"

There was a loud roar from the surrounding forest.

"Okay, but we have to stick to schedule," shrugged the fireman, "Railway regulations stipulate that we can't leave for three..."

A vine shot out from under the platform, wrapping around the fireman and dragging him under. A second vine whipped out a moment later, grabbing the driver and pulling the screaming engineman under too. As this happened, there was a second roar from the trees.

"Okay, this ain't good," said Amethyst warily.

"Where's the cockpit of this craft?" asked Peridot, "We'll need to drive it ourselves..."

"To the cab!" shouted Steven, pointing dramatically.

There was another roar, and the trees behind the platform crashed to the ground. What emerged was a gigantic, green monster - perhaps similar to an ogre made of fungus and mold. It was twenty feet tall, and held a hollowed out log as a club. Its face was distorted, but the facades of long (though balding) hair and a beard clearly indicated who it had been.

Beauregard screamed and jumped through the door of the second carriage.

" _Dad?!_ " exclaimed Steven.

"That's not Greg! That's a _Grogre!_ " shouted Amethyst.

"That was pretty clever, Amethyst," said Connie.

"Thanks, C."

The group darted to the cab of the engine. Peridot clambered in first, taking in the complex controls.

" _Steam?!_ " she exclaimed, " _Really?_ How backwards are you people?"

"It's rustic," shrugged Steven.

The ground shook as the Grogre began to march towards the train.

"Ugh, let's just get this ridiculously inefficient contraption moving!" snapped Peridot, "Amethyst, I'm gonna need your help."

Amethyst nodded, grabbing the shovel.

"Steven," she said, narrowing her eyes, "Let 'em know we mean business."

Steven grinned and yanked hard on a chain at the top of the cab.

With a long, loud whistle, the train began to move.

* * *

 

The boardwalk had been transformed for the concert. It was packed (or at least as packed as Beach City ever was) with teenagers and young adults from across the region, and a stage had been set up on the beach. It was certainly busier than Pearl had expected.

The businesses along the boardwalk had certainly taken advantage of the influx of people. The Big Donut was closed, as it was bereft of employees, but Fryman was doing a roaring trade. They were outside Beach Citywalk Fries - Sheena had just bought a serving of fries from an exhausted looking Peedee.

"So you don't eat, huh?" she asked.

"No," replied Pearl, "I'm...uh...my body is a construct of hard light so, y'know, don't...don't need that."

She chuckled nervously and rubbed the back of her head.

"Cool," nodded Sheena.

"I mean, I, uh, I _could_ shapeshift the, uh, organs required to do that, but that's a - that's a bit disgusting, y'know, and uh..."

She swallowed.

"Y'know, I don't...I don't really shapeshift very often and..."

"You okay, Pearl?" asked Sheena, "You sound a bit out of it, man."

"No no no no no, I'm fine, I'm fine!" replied Pearl, "Everything...everything's fine."

" _Attention party people!_ "

Mayor Nanefua's voice rang from a series of speakers set up along the boardwalk.

" _Who's ready for the best concert in Beach City history?!_ "

The boardwalk erupted into cheers.

"Yeah! Eat your heart out, Ocean Town!" somebody yelled.

" _That's what I like to hear!_ " replied Nanefua, " _The concert starts in five minutes. Come on over before you get stuck in the back!_ "

The crowd began to move towards the beach. Pearl gulped, grabbing Sheena's arm as they headed down towards the stage.

* * *

 

The train rumbled out of the station, the Grogre close behind.

Steven and Connie climbed onto the tender, watching as the Grogre approached. They drew their weapons and Steven stepped forward.

"Dad!" he shouted, "It's me, Steven! You can fight this!"

The Grogre roared and slammed its log onto the back carriage. The roof was instantly crashed in and the car twisted off the rails, detaching from the carriage in front with a sickening metallic grind. The Grogre hurried it's pace, advancing on the second carriage.

"I hope nobody was in that," said Connie, watching the wrecked carriage disappear behind them.

"Dad, please!" exclaimed Steven, stepping forward again, "Look into my eyes! Remember who you are!"

The Grogre locked eyes with Steven.

"... _Stu...Ball..._ " it growled.

"Yeah, that's me, that's me!" said Steven.

The Grogre roared and clutched its head, stumbling back into the trees. As it did so, there was an ominous ruffling from above - Connie looked up, seeing the dark shapes of fungus zombies in the branches of the trees.

"Uh, Steven?"

"I knew Dad could fight it," declared Steven optimistically, "He'd never hurt us!"

" _Steven?_ "

"Now we just have to wait until he comes back so that we can convince him some more!"

" _Steven, look out!_ "

Connie tackled Steven to the ground - seconds later, a zombie landed right where he had been standing. It made little difference, as three more zombies soon leapt down on them and burying them in what looked like a massive football tackle. For a few moments, it seemed like they had subdued their prey - or worse.

Then there came a flash of light, and a figure burst out from under them, sending them flying off the train.

Stevonnie turned to face the fourth zombie, swinging their sword right through its soft green body. It was sliced in two and slipped over the side of the train.

"Well, that was pretty gross," they grunted, looking down at their gunk covered body, "This doesn't mean I'm gonna turn into a monster, does it?"

As if to answer them, the gunk began to be blown away in the wind, none of it sticking to their skin.

"Well, at least these guys aren't contagious," they shrugged.

They looked down the train, seeing several zombies climbing up the sides of the train's two remaining carriages.

"But they _are_ pretty determined," they added.

They readied their sword and ran down the roof of the train.

* * *

 

Peridot leaned out of the side of the cab.

"How far out are we?" called Amethyst, shovelling coal into the firebox.

"How should I know?" demanded Peridot, "I didn't pay attention on the way up!"

"You were looking out the window the whole time!" exclaimed Amethyst.

"I was _moping!_ "

Peridot looked out again. The line ahead curved in the other direction.

"Amethyst!" she called, "Can you see anything around that bend?"

Amethyst leaned out her side of the cab.

"I can't see...wait..."

Her eyes widened as the Grogre emerged from the trees, striding onto the track.

"Grogre's back!" she yelled, "Looks like we're gonna hit it!"

The Grogre roared, the sound echoing through the dark forest. Peridot swallowed.

"Pull the brake," she said.

"What?"

" _Pull the brake!_ " bellowed Peridot.

Amethyst threw the shovel away and grabbed the brake lever, pulling it back.

* * *

 

Stevonnie had just pushed a zombie off the roof with their shield and was just turning to fight off another when the train jerked violently. The wheels screeched as the brakes were applied, and Stevonnie struggled to stay upright. The zombie wasn't so lucky, tumbling over the side.

"Peridot!" they cried, turning around, "What..."

They saw the Grogre bracing as the train screeched towards it. It was clear it would not stop in time.

"That's not good," they swallowed.

They jumped down from the roof to the front of the carriage, clutching the rail on the end balcony. They shut their eyes and braced.

* * *

 

Pearl followed Sheena down onto the crowded beach, her anxiety rising. She didn't know what she was so worried about - she'd been through worse, hasn't she?

They entered the crowd, and she heard voices all around her.

"...yeah, they're _good_ , but they're not _Everything Sucks_ good..."

"...I couldn't invite him because he's in space right now, which sucks, because he would've wanted to come..."

"...what? I can hang out with my son, can't I Bucky Boy? I mean, yeah, I _am_ pretty bored now that I'm not the Mayor but..."

" _....you won't be disappointed, My Diamond. This one's the best of the batch_."

Pearl's eyes widened. She couldn't have just heard that, right? That had to be her mind.

She glanced around anxiously. The crowd around her seemed to turn into an impenetrable, writhing void, closing her into an increasingly tiny prison.

"...nah, it was totally Nana's idea! Although we did help find bands, didn't Kiki..."

"...and then they just rode off on a lion! It was _awesome!_ I mean, Kevin was _livid_ , but..."

" _...who cares what she thinks? She's a_ Pearl _. They're_ literally _nothing..._ "

"...I would've preferred a rave. Then again, I _always_ prefer raves..."

Somebody collided roughly with her. She looked down at her hands - they were beginning to shake. She felt horribly constricted.

"Oh, sorry, didn't see you there...hey, aren't you one of Steven's moms?"

" _...you can be anything you want, Pearl. Now let's see about forging you a weapon..._ "

"...hey, is that chick over there okay? She looks pretty out of it."

"...I like trains, I'm not gonna apologise for that..."

"... _you think because you have a sword, you're worth something?_ "

" _You should have done something, anything, you could have stopped him from giving himself up..._ "

"Pearl?"

Shaking, Pearl looked up at Sheena's eyes. She looked at her with deep concern.

"Pearl, are you okay?" she asked.

In her mind's eye, Pearl saw Sheena's face warp in front of her. The figure that now seemed to stand in front of her was very different, very alien - the only similarity was the pink hair.

" _...what have you done?_ " said Pink Diamond.

Pearl bolted.

* * *

 

With a mighty crash, the engine collided with the Grogre and was thrown from the rails.

It tipped onto its side and crashed into the ground, skidding down the embankment and through the mud and bushes. Behind it, the carriages tipped over and were shattered against the trees and rocks.

With a mournful hiss of steam, the engine came to rest at the bottom of the embankment. The Grogre landed on its side next to it, groaning and feeling around for its log - it was clearly very much out of it. For a few moments, there was no other sign of life.

Suddenly, Peridot crawled out of the cab, shaking her head.

"Ugh, that didn't go well," she grunted.

"Next time we take the bus," added Amethyst, climbing out after her.

"Peridot! Amethyst!"

Stevonnie pushed their way out of the wreckage of the first carriage and ran over to them.

"Well," said Peridot, "How do we get to the caves now?"

"We just gotta follow the track, 'Dot," replied Amethyst, "We can't be that far, right?"

The Grogre snorted loudly.

"We should probably leave before zombie Greg wakes up," said Amethyst.

"Yeah," nodded Stevonnie, "I don't really want to fight Dad...Mr. Universe...well, you know."

The three quickly began to make their way along the side of the line, leaving the Grogre and the wrecked train behind.

A minute later, there was a loud coughing and spluttering from the second carriage. Slowly, Thaddeus Beauregard emerged from one of the windows, dishevelled but unharmed.

"This is why I don't use public transport," he grunted.

There was a ruffling from the bushes. He looked up as one by one the townsfolk of Village Creek emerged - they looked normal to him, and he stood up and brushed himself off.

"Well, my constituents," he said, "Thank you for coming, but as you can see, I have survived and..."

He looked at their eyes. They were all a brilliant green, and not one of them displayed any form of emotion. Slowly, they began to advance on the Colonel.

"...this...this isn't going to end well for me, is it?" said Beauregard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one was a hard one to write, largely because I was trying to base Pearl's panic attack on personal experience, which was harder than expected to put to words. Putting it simply, I wanted to sort of capture how panicking about one thing (being on a date) can lead to panicking about literally everything, which is what I'm trying to portray happening to Pearl here.


	6. Six

**Six**

The caves were dark and quiet. Peridot, Amethyst and Stevonnie stood at the mouth of the largest of them, peering into the eerie darkness within.

"Well," said Amethyst, "This is ominous."

"The Gem's in there," declared Peridot, pointing inside, "Now we just need to get in there and bubble it."

"Sounds easy," nodded Stevonnie.

"It's likely that it's greatest defences will be in there," added Peridot, "The Gem will almost certainly be heavily guarded and well hidden."

"Okay, not so easy," said Stevonnie.

"We've been through worse," shrugged Amethyst, "Come on, let's bubble this fungus and save Greg."

They walked apprehensively into the darkness.

* * *

"I don't get it," said Ruby, "All they did was scream for four minutes."

"Eh, Death Metal's not for everyone," shrugged Sadie.

Ruby and Sapphire were sitting on the edge of the boardwalk with the ex-Big Donut worker. The two gems were holding hands and watching the concert from a distance - Sadie, who was feeling a bit lonely, had joined them.

"So, you guys are part of Steven's family, right?" asked Sadie.

"Yes," nodded Sapphire, "Usually we're fused together as Garnet."

"Right, gotcha," said Sadie.

Ruby looked back over to the crowd on the beach, just in time to see Sheena emerge from the mass of people. She looked concerned - there was no sign of Pearl.

"Uh, Sapphire? Isn't that Pearl's date?"

Sapphire looked up.

"Yes," she said, "Yes it is. I was hoping this wouldn't happen."

"Hoping what wouldn't happen?" asked Sadie.

Sapphire stood up.

"We need to find Pearl," she declared, "And I think I know where she is."

She began to head towards Sheena, dragging Ruby along by the hand.

* * *

The cave was somehow even darker and gloomier than it had initially appeared. The air was damp and freezing, and the sound of dripping water could be heard echoing in the distance. Part of Stevonnie was reminded of the ancient caverns beneath the surface of Homeworld that Steven and Lars had hidden in - it was an uncomfortable feeling.

Presently, an eerie green light began to appear at the end of the tunnel. A strange and foul smell filled the cave.

"I think we're almost there," whispered Peridot.

Amethyst nodded, drawing her whip. Stevonnie readied their sword and shield.

They emerged from the darkness into a scene that was entirely alien.

The cavern was enormous, with giant stalagmites hanging from the rocky ceiling. In the middle of the chamber was a crawling mass of fungus and mold. It could, vaguely, be identified as a creature; it had three misshaped eyes of various sizes, and an open maw that could feasibly be a mouth. Every now and again, the creature screeched, sounding almost like a wounded eagle. It was firmly rooted to its spot in the ground, but a mass of grassy tentacles growing from the stone around it appeared to act as its defence. A small, rectangular gem, olive green in colour, stuck out from just under the mouth.

Next to the creature stood several humans - or what had _been_ humans. They were green-eyed, and their skin seemed to be stained in olive, although that could very well have been the light. They stood without emotion over a captive bound in vines.

"The Colonel?" exclaimed Stevonnie.

"Oh yeah, I forgot about him," shrugged Amethyst.

Beauregard wriggled onto his side to look at the intruders.

"Ah, the green farmer!" he exclaimed, "I do declare you're a sight for sore eyes! Could you possibly get these fellows to unhand me?"

All eyes fell on the gems as Beauregard unintentionally pointed them out.

"Geez, _thanks_ Colonel," grunted Amethyst.

The villagers shrieked and the tentacles immediately sprung to action, swinging towards the gems. Amethyst tackled Peridot out of the way as one swung right over their heads. Another tentacle quickly ensnared the Colonel, yanking him towards the corrupted gem and hanging him over the mouth.

"Oh no you don't!" bellowed Beauregard, "If you so much as attempt to eat me, I swear I-"

The tentacle dropped him, and he fell right into the gaping maw.

"Get the gem, 'Dot," said Amethyst, "We'll handle Audrey."

" _Audrey?_ " quizzed Stevonnie.

"Eh, it needed a name," shrugged Amethyst.

"Get the gem?" exclaimed Peridot, "You want me to walk up to it and pull it out? Is that the best plan we have?!"

Amethyst and Stevonnie charged the monster, leaving Peridot alone. She looked at the corrupted gem with dread.

"Why I can't I just farm in peace?" she asked herself.

* * *

Pearl sat next to the cliff by the temple, head in her hands.

What had happened? She had been _ready!_ What had been the point of talking everything through with Garnet if she was just going to ruin everything anyway?

It didn't make sense. She'd been through so much - she'd fought in massive battles, why would she be afraid of a small crowd? And even so, why had her mind wandered so much - what did concert anxieties have to do with the rebellion, or what she had once been, or what had happened to Pink Diamond? And for that matter, given that she'd never been that concerned about Pink Diamond's fate before, why had that come up now?

"Pearl?"

She looked up. Sheena stood over her, and she sighed.

"I understand," she said flatly, "I ruined everything. I just...I don't know what came over me..."

She looked down, avoiding Sheena's eyes.

"So if you just want to forget about all this and go home, that's fine," she said.

Sheena sat down next to her, putting a hand on Pearl's. The gem tensed up.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" she asked.

"T-talk about what?" replied Pearl.

"You had a _panic attack_ , man," replied Sheena, "It's okay! Just...you wanna vent?"

Pearl breathed in.

"Okay," she said.

She began to talk.

* * *

Peridot ducked under another tentacle and dove to the ground, clutching her head.

"Okay, Peridot, keep it together, you're only..."

She looked up.

" _Thirty metres away?!_ " she cried, "Curse this planet's deceptively long distances!"

Stevonnie landed next to her, swinging their sword through the tentacle that Peridot had just avoided. They turned to Peridot and smiled.

"Keep going, Peridot!" they said encouragingly, "It's only a little fu-"

A second tentacle slammed into their stomach, dragging them up into the air.

"Steven! Connie!" exclaimed Peridot.

"I've got 'em!"

Amethyst spun towards the vine. She emerged from the spin and prepared to whip the tentacle in half when another ensnared her foot, dragging her violently to the ground.

"Ow! Hey, lay off me, you stupid weed!" she exclaimed.

The gem monster screeched and began to pull Amethyst and Stevonnie towards its mouth. Peridot watched, horrified, as they neared certain doom.

Then she narrowed her eyes.

"I'm sick of this," she declared.

She got up and ran.

The monster immediately defended itself, swinging two of its tentacles towards her. She gulped and attempted to duck - she instead slipped, which caused her to slide on her back under the vines and towards the monster. She tried to scurry to her feet - failing that, she crawled nimbly on all fours towards the mouth of the beast.

A third tentacle swung just over her head and ruffled her hair, but she managed to make it to the gem. The creature roared, its foul smelling breath washing over Peridot.

"No, you shut up!" snapped Peridot.

She grabbed the gem with both hands.

"Listen up, you stupid pile of fungi!" she yelled, "I've had it up to here with you!"

"Yeah, lay into it, Peri!" cheered Amethyst as she struggled against the monster's tentacles.

"You took _everything!_ " continued Peridot, "I tried so hard and you just threw it all away! Like it didn't even matter!"

She dug her fingers into the fungus, squeezing the gem in frustration.

"Well you know what? I've got something you _can't_ take away from me!" she thundered, "I've got Steven! I've got the Crystal Gems! I've got Connie! I've got Pumpkin! I've got Amethyst!"

"Wait, why did she single your name out?" asked Stevonnie.

Amethyst shrugged.

"Because I'm awesome," she said.

"I have _friends!_ " bellowed Peridot, "And you're not taking them away from me, you **_CLOD!_** "

She pulled hard on the gem. With a wet, sickening crunch, it was torn from the body of the corrupted gem - an instant later, there was an enormous plume of smoke as the terrible fungus monster poofed.

Amethyst and Stevonnie fell to the ground as the tentacles disappeared. Stevonnie coughed as the smoke wafted away - when it cleared, all that remained was Beauregard, covered from head to toe in grass and mud.

"Well, this suit's ruined," he grunted.

* * *

Next to the wreck of the train, Greg opened his eyes. Weakly, he climbed to his feet, rubbing his head.

"Ugh," he said to himself, "I never wanna be a grass ogre again."

He paused.

"I really do live a weird life," he added.

* * *

The accountant climbed out of the ruins of the farm building, coughing and spluttering as he did.

"That's it!" he declared, "I quit!"

* * *

Back in the cave, Amethyst and Stevonnie ran over to Peridot and pulled her into a hug.

"Peridot, that was amazing!" exclaimed Stevonnie.

"You still got it, Peridactyl," said Amethyst, patting her back, "You still got it."

"That...that felt _really good_ ," admitted Peridot.

She looked down at the gem. She smiled, bubbled it and sent it away.

Her face then fell.

"Uh-oh," she said, "I...I think I just sent that to Lapis."

"It'll be fine," shrugged Amethyst, "It's in a bubble."

One of the villages walked up to them, scratching the back of her head.

"Uh, hi," she said, "Do any of you guys know where we are? None of us can remember much of the last...actually, what's the date?"

"I think that's gonna be a _long_ story," replied Stevonnie.

"Well, we gotta go find Greg," said Amethyst, "We'll fill 'em in while we walk back..."

* * *

Pearl and Sheena sat on the beach, looking towards the sea. The sky was beginning to lighten, and the first rays of the sun could just be seen peeking over the water. The concert was over now, but that had stopped being a concern a while ago.

"I'm sorry, Sheena," said Pearl, "I really am."

"It's cool," replied Sheena, "It happens. Besides, I like this - it's chill."

"How did you find me, anyway?" asked Pearl.

Sheena pointed her thumb over to a rock in the near distance. Ruby and Sapphire were peeking out from behind - they quickly darted back into cover.

Pearl smiled.

"So...is there, uh, is there some kind of recording of this concert?" she asked.

"They showed it on TV," replied Sheena, "I taped it."

"Okay," nodded Pearl, "Well, maybe...maybe you could come round tomorrow night...well, I guess it's _tonight_ now...and..."

Sheena put an arm around Pearl's shoulder.

"I'd like that, Pearl," she nodded, "I'd like that a lot."

* * *

Nobody was in the Burning Room that evening. As a result, nobody saw the small green bubble appear among the other gems.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm being deliberately vague about what Pearl talked to Sheena - whether it was just about feeling anxious about the date or revealing that ONION killed Pink Diamond in the STUDY with the REVOLVER. Mainly because I don't want to be contradicted by canon, to be honest.
> 
> One more chapter left!


	7. Seven

**Seven**

It had been something of a bittersweet morning.

The fungus had been vanquished and the Village Creek region had been returned to normal - but the damage had been done. The farm was ruined, as were many of the town's buildings, and while these would all be repaired in time, the Colonel's hopes of winning the Appalachian Best Kept Community Competition were well and truly dashed. Beauregard, well into the denial phase of the Five Stages of Grief, was talking about a big effort from the town to clean up in time, but most people were content to ignore him and focus on their own homes.

In any case, it was time for Steven and his family to go home. To their immense credit, the railway company had arranged a replacement train service in quick fashion - an elderly diesel railcar was sitting at the station platform, quietly humming in the noon sunshine.

Beauregard didn't come to see them off - he had his accountant drive them to the station alone.

"The Colonel's grateful," he told them as they walked to the train, "He just...has trouble showing it sometimes, you know? He's not a bad man, just eccentric."

"Well, let him know I'm free to come back anytime he asks," replied Greg.

"He probably won't but I'll pass it on," said the accountant.

The railcar's door opened and the conductor leaned out.

"Noon service to Charleston is departing in two minutes!" he called, "All aboard!"

"Well, see you around!" said Greg.

The accountant waved as they climbed aboard the railcar.

The vehicle was mostly empty, and they easily found some seats together. Before long, the diesel roared to life and rolled out of Village Creek.

"Well," said Greg, "That weekend was more hectic than I expected."

"I'm sorry the farm didn't work out, Peridot," said Connie.

Peridot sighed, looking out the window.

"We did have a lot of fun though, right?" asked Steven.

There was a moment's silence.

"Yes," replied Peridot, "Even though everything fell apart in the end, I... _enjoyed_ spending time with you all."

She looked over to her friends and offered a weak smile.

"I'm glad we did this," she said, "Thank you."

"Anytime, Peri," replied Amethyst, "Anytime."

She chuckled and sat back.

"So how do you guys reckon Pearl went on her date?" she asked.

"It's got to have gone smoother than this, that's for sure," said Greg wearily.

* * *

" _Yo, here what I say, heed my sitch, my life is pain 'cause I'm too rich..._ "

"Fast forward?" asked Sheena dryly.

"Fast forward," replied Pearl.

Sheena picked up the remote and fast forwarded. The tape quickly skipped over the rapper - once he was done, the screen turned to static.

"Well, looks like that's it," nodded Sheena, "So, what did you think, Pearl?"

"I have to admit, I was a little apprehensive," admitted Pearl, "But it really grew on me. They had a much better understanding of melody than I expected! I really quite liked it!"

She grinned, and Sheena grinned back.

" _I Walk With Lemurs_ stank though, right?" said Sheena.

"Oh, they were terrible," nodded Pearl.

There was a knock at the door. Below them, Garnet got up from the lounge and walked over to the door.

"Steven's back!" said Pearl, cheerfully getting up from her seat at the end of Steven's bed.

"Should I get going?" asked Sheena, "I don't want to get in the way of your family stuff..."

"Oh, don't worry about it," replied Pearl, "You're always welcome."

Garnet opened the door, and Steven ran inside, embracing the fusion in a tight hug. Garnet smiled and ruffled Steven's hair.

"How'd it go?" she asked.

"It was great until the fungus monster turned up," shrugged Amethyst, following Steven inside.

"Fungus monster?!" exclaimed Pearl, "Are you okay? Did you bubble it?"

"Relax, P, it's handled," replied Amethyst, putting an arm over Steven and Peridot's shoulders, "Thanks to the Shorty Squad."

"Yeah," said Steven, putting an arm around Connie and gently pulling her in, "All of them!"

"And Greg?" asked Garnet.

"No, I pretty much just got captured," shrugged Greg.

"Well, you'll have to fill us in," said Pearl, sitting down on the couch.

"Sounds like you guys had a heck of a weekend," nodded Sheena, sitting down next to Pearl.

"That's putting it lightly," sighed Greg, mopping his brow, "But how about you? What did you get up to..."

As the entire gang gathered round to exchange stories, Amethyst pulled Steven and Connie close.

"Guys," she whispered, "I've got an idea..."

* * *

Peridot lay in Steven's bath, looking at the ceiling. She sighed to herself.

"At least you tried, Peridot," she told herself.

At that moment, the door flew open.

" _Peridot, holy crud!_ " yelled Amethyst, having just kicked in the door, "You've gotta come see this!"

She ran over and grabbed Peridot by the arm, practically dragging her out the door.

* * *

A quick warp later, Peridot found herself staring, jaw dropped, at the scene before her.

She was standing next to the crater where the barn had been. What had been a misshapen hole of mud and broken pipes was now ploughed out and mostly flattened. A variety of small plants - most notably sunflowers - had been planted in the newly tilled soil, and there was plenty of room for more. Steven, Amethyst and Connie were standing in the middle of the crater, covered in dirt and grime.

"Amethyst had the idea on the way home," said Connie.

"Eh, I figured nobody else was gonna do anything with it," shrugged Amethyst, "And it made sense - we know where this is, there's a warp pad right over there, nobody's gonna get mad at us for using it..."

"I know it's not much," said Steven, "But it's a start, right?"

Peridot said nothing, still staring in shock. The others exchanged glances - Amethyst climbed out of the crater and walked over to her.

"Peridot?" she asked, "Are you okay with this? Because we don't have to do this if you don't want to. We can keep looking for another spot..."

Peridot blinked, her eyes watering.

She embraced Amethyst, hugging her tightly as she began to tear up.

"Wow," she said, "Thanks!"

**The End**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we're done! Insert star outro here.
> 
> Well, this was certainly a fun project! I had a lot of fun writing it, and I hope you had fun reading it. Thanks to everyone who commented - it's always great to read and reply to them.
> 
> I'll be back at some point (I've got a few ideas for December), but until then, thanks very much for reading and commenting, and I'll see you next time. :)


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